Right Thru Me
by sincerly.m.l
Summary: Heading to the main room to have some tea after a sleepless night Raven stumbles into a fight...about her.Will Terra leave and will Beast boy force Raven's real feeling out of her. Or will Raven admitt her feelings the easy way?NOT SONGFIC!R&R! (Up for adoption)
1. 1: Now or Never

**Chapter One**

**_Now or Never_  
**

Raven looked at the clock off to her right on her bed side for the thousandth time that night. She saw that it was only eleven o'clock but as the almost unbearable night crawled by it felt like it should be morning time, at least in Raven's eyes anyway. She groaned throwing her face into her pillow hoping she could bury the need to speed up the night along with her emotions into the stiff fabric.

She couldn't sleep for her emotions running wild and her imagination with it. It had always been natural knowledge to know she kept her emotions hidden underneath her bland frown and deadpan words. Even _she _hadn't come in touch with her own feelings. But..._this?! _

Never had the thought crossed her mind that she was keeping this hidden. She hadn't even noticed her feelings for him, and hopefully no one else had seen them leaking through when she hadn't.

But now? With nothing better to do on a painfully slow, heart-and-mind are war kind of battle raging on inside of her, Raven looked back. Searched her memories for every single thing that would have made her feel like this, anything. And as she did...it all made sense. Maybe-as much as it made her stomach churn to try and understand it-she even _liked _the thought of it working out in her benefit.

Raven shook her head fiercely at the thought.

Stupid. Useless. That was all she could think to describe what had just crossed her mind, and buried away in her heart. No matter what, if she was normal or if she could phantom a thought like that without wanting to flinch...it was all internal. Just inner feelings that she would push away and hide the existence on the outside.

Besides, he was dating Terra. There was no way he would even consider returning the feelings when he had _her_. She had been so mean, belligerent, and so...so Raven. Making fun of him, always downing him with a sarcastic sneer, never allowing the opportunity to let him in.

Raven had let everyone of her team mates 'in'. Cyborg from the way things looked was the first as her big brother, Robin the second as not only her big brother but also a person who she could find a place of love in her heart that would not go away no matter what, Starfire the third, she smiled lightly at how hard it was to let the cheerful alien princess take up a home in her heart as a sister and best friend. Beast Boy though...never. She'd never given him a chance truly.

It was hard for her to admit it and she she didn't want to but Raven knew that she had a fear that involved Beast Boy...and she would never say so to anyone.

Beast boy was happy with Terra. Something he could never be with her, that pained her more than anything else honestly. The _fact-_not an opinion, a thought, a fact-Beast Boy...hell anyone could never be happy with her.

Raven dug her dull nails into the pillow as she tried to push away the emotions that were brimming up the surface. "Why? When?" she questioned herself quietly smothering herself deeper into the exterior of the cushion.

Her questioning was meaningless though. She remembered the day she realized she loved him, even though she had hid it so well until now. The day she realized he knew her to well. The day he looked right through her:

_It was early and the sun shone brightly and lite the main room in it's golden light. The smell of waffles and bacon filled the room and drifted through out the tower. Raven floated in the middle of the room reading her book as usual, Robin and Starfire sat at the table talking about something only they would be interested in and Cyborg was whistling a old song as he cooked breakfast. Everything was at peace and no one was bothered. _

_Until, the other happy couple came tearing and giggling through like a lovey-dovey hurricane and it was named, Terra and Beast Boy. Everyone looked at them as they ran around the room Beast boy chasing Terra who was laughing so hard it was a surprise she didn't collapse from lack of breath. Beast boy caught Terra around the waist and pulled her and him down onto the couch. Laughing they didn't notice the others starring at them as if they were completely crazy. _

_Terra sat up clinging to her sides while her boy friend stayed clinging to her waist. "Ahum!" Cyborg had interrupted their laughter still starring at the couple as he flipped a waffle on it's uncooked side. "Oh, dudes sorry. What's for lunch?" Beast boy released his girl friend and maneuvered so he was on Terra's right and a arm lazily but lovingly draped over her shoulder._

Raven pulled up from the pillow and laid her head down so she was looking out of her window wall. The city was dreamily covered in a veil of navy blue night time that was sprinkled with the gleam of stars. She didn't want to remember how she felt at the sight of Terra and Beast Boy smiling and laughing...but it had left a confusing bitter-sweet taste in her heart.

Bitter at the quick wish that she could take Terra's place but knowing it would never be and sweet to know he was happy...she didn't know how to feel so she tried to hide both as much as she could but once again she had the eerie feeling that beast Boy had seen right through her facade.

_"It's breakfast if you must know. And 'we' are having waffles and bacon." Raven said landing on the floor snapping her book shut glaring at the two. Beast boy slightly jerked back at Raven's words and how they were like a knife killing his joy and at the snap of the book. Raven knew how sharp and angry her words came out and from the way Beast Boy blankly analyzed her he had a good guess of what was wrong._

_"Oh well I'll cook tofu bacon and eggs and have some soy milk. What about you T?" Beast boy smiled sweetly at Terra. "Same." she had answered with a joyful grin pulling at the edges of her lips. "Yeah, well everyone else. Foods done!" Cyborg said staking a plate full of bacon and waffles and taking it to the table. Sitting down he rubbed his hands together already drooling. "Raven you want one or two waffles?" Robin asked holding a plate she guessed was hers fixing her plate long with Star's. Shaking her head at him Raven had drug her dark sapphire gems back to the couple on the couch her gaze sour despite her efforts to look unwavered and grimly stated, "I think I lost my appetite."_

_Turning around and beginning her way out of the main room every thought that passed her mind was a way to conclude her feelings without revealing what she had begun to know. Feeling the eyes of her teammates boring down on her desending form she looked back, her big mistake. _

_ Beast boy was looking at her with his green orbs that held a spark of intellect Raven hadn't ever expected to see in him. He didn't look mad, beyond the breaking point, like he was just done with trying to figure out the paradox that was Raven Roth._

_No..._

_Instead he looked like he knew she was really upset that he had fell in love with Terra and not her. That out of all the people in the world he chosen a traitor to let take his heart. Beast boy held his gaze on her as if waiting for Raven to turn on her heel and blurt out every bit of aching emotion that was welling up inside of her as burning lump in her throat that she wanted to scream away. But she was to proud for that._

_ He looked at her in away that made her question why she acted the way she did when he was around him. Why she treated him like a germ that if she ever gave the time of day he would infect every fiber of her being; and yet somehow he already how. Those bright emerald green gems burned with insight, patience, and...hurt. Raven had let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and snatched her blue orbs away from the interlocked stare and kept on walking away. _

_And still she could feel his eyes oh her, and only his eyes had ever burned that deep into her to the point he was looking right through her. _

Raven signed again as she thought of the day a cold chill of reminisce running up her spine as the heated feeling of Beast Boy's eyes staring her down came back._ 'Why am I like that? So cold, distant, and bitter. It's only towards him. Just him.'_ Raven thought silently. _'You know why.' _a humble voice whispered around her.

Sitting up quicker than lighting Raven scanned her room in shock. She knew that voice, the way it flowed gently and soothingly while always holding that raw sweet firmness. How could she forget it?

But...it couldn't be.

"Mom?" she whispered straining to keep her voice identical to her mother's. She waited, listened, her breathing shortening with panging hope her mother was back-here for her like a mother should be.

Nothing. Dead silence meet Raven's heightened hope's along with the pain of knowing that it was all a fantasy delusion to ave her mother by her side as she tried to figure out why she was feeling the things she felt. Most teenagers had that, why couldn't she?

Shaking off yet another group of hopeless emotions Raven threw herself back onto the bed, splayed out and staring blankly up at the ceiling."Great now I'm losing my mind." Raven grumbled dully. Looked once again over to the clock a heavy sighed passed her lips. Two hours had passed, apparently going back to the day you figured out admittedly falling in love with someone and imagining your demision's away mother was talking to you took up more time than trying to figure out emotions.

One o'clock A.M, in the least of any uplifting events it was morning that's what she wanted and more or less needed. Tossing her feet over the edge Raven slipped out of her bed and into the shadowy standstill of darkness that was always consuming her room. Grabbing a cloak out of the closest she swung around her body clasping the ruby red gem closed and letting it rest around the form of her body, snatched the book off of the nightstand, and stopped to looked at herself in the mirror.

"Demon..." was the only word she could grind out to describe the monster that stared back at her. Her purple hair that had been inching closer and closer towards her shoulders and no longer in the angled bob she had kept neatly kept it cut at for years, beautiful sapphire had been gaining violet touches in her big iris's which scared her truthfully, grey skin had seemed to be gently tinted in peach as of late, and a book hugged to her chest. With all the changes, small or not, all she depict from the young woman she glared at was a full blooded monster.

The reflection's eyes lightened suddenly into a pure, silky dark lilac. Gasping Raven backed away raising her hands, letting the book clatter to the floor, edged in black magic. The supposed mirror image of her didn't follow her movements instead it smiled easily at her, purple gems shimmering with a new bit of advice Raven really didn't want to hear.

Tucking a stray hair behind her ear the reflection's smile wavered. "I know, you out of all us Emotions I'm one of your least favorite, but I just had to say; you know _damn _well what it is your feeling so stop hiding me! Oh, and also if you go and do your little restless-night remedy your going to get what you deserve. Bye!"

Without another word Raven was starring at herself, rigid with one leg bent behind her and the other stiffly locked at angle in front of her and her arms outstretched hands now in a thin sheen of magic.

And worse of all, she was gazing at herself with lilac hazed eyes filled with a horrific realization she didn't want to face.

Relaxing somewhat Raven wagered what her Emotion had told her: _'If you go and do your little restless-night remedy your going to get what you deserve.' _Her plan was to drink some herbal tea to calm her nerves and if nothing else get into a state were she could meditate the emotions away. Now though with the threat of her Emotion she was hesitant to follow through with it.

"Whatever." she spat acidly to no one. Not physically anyway, but mentally she was speaking to the purple based feeling she loathed. Picking up the book from the floor Raven flipped it open to the page she had stopped at last time and buried her face in it while walking out of her room, "getting what she deserved" was far more better than be stuck in a room where your emotions were popping up in mirrors in her opinion.

Reading her book by the dim hall lights Raven walked off of memory through the Tower towards the main room. It took everything in her to barricade all her thoughts and worries into the back of her mind, lock her feelings deep-deeper than she had in a long time-and keep focus solely on the climaxing end of the book.

As she neared the main room that blockage of heart and mind was shattered. Raven's breath caught in her throat as her shocked orbs shot up to the double doors of the living room/kitchen area. No doubt through out the years of her being a Titan and living in the tower she had endured a lot of raging emotions from this particular room. Good, bad, and the in between. But this...? Sickening.

Rage, jealousy, confusion, desperation, lust, hate, and the disheartened feeling of falling _out _of love. It was all wrapped into one big ball of radiating emotions that were attacking Raven all at once. Shaking uncontrollably the book toppled out of her quivering hands and once again onto the floor. One hand flew up to her constraining throat in reaction to lack of air. Wave after typhoon of merciless, vehement feelings crashed over her and with every new wave Raven began to get what her Emotion had been talking about.

What she deserved...death?

Death by a suffocating, despondency of emotions. How lovely!

Stumbling to the opposite wall Raven let her body slide onto the floor, backwardly pushing herself away from the cursed door. She didn't know what was going on but she knew if she didn't get away from the aftermath of it she was going to die.

The crashing sound of something braking brought Raven back enough from the struggle of breathing and demolishing explosions of emotions bursting around her to worry that her powers were acting out against the outburst of feelings.

Before she could care for a second longer though a earsplitting hoarse, screaming voice screeched out past the roar of her own perturbation, "I am so _sick_ of_ this_! I am so _sick_ of _you_! Of _them_! And _especially her_!" Raven felt a new torturous rush filled with anger, hate, disgust, and hope. She could feel that the hope was for something she wouldn't agree with but she was to caught up with the need to breath to try and decipher the hope from the rest of the negative-but from the way ti swelled in a manipulative way that she didn't fully think even the hope was good.

"Fine!,"

If Raven was breathing in that moment she would have chocked on bad memories from that furious voice. The encounter she had the last time that voice had been raised in her direction her life had ended up on the line...for days, weeks, and months to come she had prayed that she would _never _have to listen to that tone come from that voice ever again.

Apparently her prayer had worn out it's working course after so long not praying.

"I'm so fuckin' _tired _of you! All you've ever done is hurt me, lied to me, betrayed me...I don't know why I even wasted my time even _trying _to love someone as twisted as _you._" the voice bellowed out louder with a growing growl as each word was barked out.

There was a pause. Raven forced herself to slide further away from the door as yet again the tension peaked and went seeking for in the darkness. Finding enough strength in herself Raven forced every morsel of her power to manifest in front of her until all that lay ahead of her was outlined in white and she was given a slight relief from the flaring disturbing emotions.

Catching her breath by taking in a panting gulp Raven coherently wished she had stayed in her room.

Another quiet silence passed and then it was gone, being chased away by more venomously hissed words. "And leave _her _out of this!" he growled threateningly. "Of course! You _would_ defend the demon! You don't get it do you? She hates you! She hates everyone! She's a emo, emotionless, _freak. _Think about it for a second. She _does not _love you, _I_ do." she argued smoothly her voice edged with razor sharp razors but soothed over with a paining truth in her tone.

Raven let the girl's words seep in. They had called no names, but their were few people that took up residence in the tower and only two pairs of those two were in a relationship to argue like this. She had read many a book, t was second nature now to read between the lines and make a correct conclusion without a hint of unsureness in her. Raven knew...

From the beginning she had known who the two were, Beast Boy and Terra. That was a no brainer, still though the feelings and words that were tangled together through out this argument had left Raven wishing she had stayed away, headed her Emotion's warning, and just sulked in her room and put on a "happy" face for the day.

And now she knew all the inbetween meaning in the words as well. Terra was tired of being here, and she was pointing fingers at everyone else to blame for her resent of living here and Beast Boy was defending his friends, his family. Then there was the other parts...the ones that had stung like pissy bees swarming in her heart.

Raven was the emotionless freak, the source of their argument, and in her and Terra's belief's Raven had, has, and always will ruin everything.

How though? She did everything she could to keep everyone safe from the horrible hurricane that was her. Shielded them from the truth of her origin for so long until it was inevitable for them to find out, opened up to most of her team and still managed to be just as distant as she had on the first day their little team had formed, and now to. Love had snuck up on her and as she tried to lock it away, hide it from everyone's prying eyes, and kill it somehow she'd ruined a relationship...

All she ever did was fuck everything up without even trying to she was just cursed with bad luck. Regret and sorrow enveloped Raven in a cloak of grey. The burn of tears pricked at her trembling dark orbs with nothing left to do but hide her emotions from the world she held head in her hands and ran through all the dimensions she could disappear to.

"I'm done!" Terra screamed. Raven's thinking halted instantly. Snapping her eyes up to the double doors that were still outlined in white through the shield of black magic she could already picture what those words would lead up to. Terra was going to come out storming out of the main room in a sweep of tears and rage, pack her things and run away from the argument and most likely from the Titans that she had just managed to build up a new and fresh life with, and disappear into the twilight. Leaving behind a miserable wreckage of what used to be Beast boy who wouldn't tell anyone what happened and all the other Titans in a mix of confusion, except for of course her.

Just like last time...a bad cycle that Raven never wanted to relive again.

No! She wouldn't allow it. Sure if she let Terra walk away then maybe there was the chance that in his time of depression Raven could help beast Boy, open up, and each of them let one another in finding love and comfort in one another. But that was just foolish thinking that Raven knew would never come true, life didn't work like that-especially not for a a bad luck demon.

Standing against the pain, misery, and her emotions screaming at her to sit her ass back down in the shadows and let the dumb blonde run away again. She shook it all off though, it was for Beast Boy, he'd saved her life and now she was helping keep his happy.

The doors slid open and a fuming Terra was revealed with tears streaming out of her big crystal blue orbs. Both pair of differing blue gems locked together in a unwavering battle, each one picking up on things the other would rather them not see but yet they let it go on reading each other in the dead silence of a night lit hallway.

"Terra...," Raven cut through the silence and the time of looking into one another determined to get Terra to stay. Emotions were still screeching at her to let her go and she wanted to, she'd never liked Terra after her first betryal so early in the life of a new family she had tried to kill off, and she never would. Beast Boy though...he had, he'd loved her through thick and thin. She couuldn't just let her loves love slip away.

"Don't do this he...Beast boy loves you. He always has. Your going to throw that away? Because of a argument?" Raven tried to reason in Beast Boy defense while playing off that she understood how Terra felt though in all honesty she was struggling to see the blue eyes devil's view on things.

"You just don't get it do you?" Terra asked suddenly all the anger melted away and she looked at Raven as if she was a clueless innocent child confused about something in the world that it took time, age, and wisdom to understand. Terra smirked and shook her head while more water spilled out of her eyes. "He loves_ you_." she said firmly.

_'Why did she say it like that?' _Raven questioned wordlessly as the words Terra had just spoken as clear as a bird repeated through her mind running circles around her self logic. The blonde had made it sound like it was the most well known, talked about thing on the planet as if everyone knew and there was no denying it whatsoever.

Raven shook her head anyway, refusing to let Terra get away with such a ridiculous statement. "No. T that's all you. He's yours and your his. Please listen to me. He loves _you not me._"Raven tried again this time she wanted more than anything for Terra to stay, to take her words in agreement walk back in the room and make up with Beast Boy.

She didn't know why she was doing this. If she left she may have the chance to make Terra's word true but she doubted that would ever happen. She wanted, no _needed,_ Terra to stay to keep everything as it was. If it meant her suffering through a love crazed life but Beast Boy's happiness, she'd do it.

Terra whipped her tears away and frowned opposed to the will to smile. "No. Raven that's all you...and I don't want to ruin it for you." and with that Terra stormed off down the hall most likely to her room to pack her things and leave. Raven couldn't move to chase after her. Taking a weary step back she turned her head to look through the still open doorway and caught Beast Boy's green eyed gaze transfixed on her.

"Beast boy-" Raven began but was interrupted by the changeling. "Rae don't. I'm sorry."he said no longer looking at her. "Sorry for what? This is all my fault." Raven said in a deadpan voice as she walked into the room and stopped only feet away from the boy she loved.

Beast Boy brought his head backup and looked down on Raven who could tell he was holding something back but wit a shake of his head and a shrug of his shoulders it was gone nad their was a confused serious gleaming in his green jewels that made Raven catch her breath.

"Rae...just tell me something." he said gently as if treading on unstable grounds keeping their eyes locked. Once again his gaze went right through her and she didn't want to answer anything as she shrunk back against his holding heavy watching. Plus, she was scared of what the something was.

"Anything." she said meekily. Beast Boy took in a deep breath and his left ear twitched back, down, and perked out something Raven had noticed he had a habit of doing when he was nervous. "Raven...d-do you like m-me?" he asked hesitantly.

To say Raven was caught off guard was an under statement. To think she was boiling on the inside with the want and need to spill out her feelings but holding back you had no idea. What in the hell was she supposed to say?!

Fess up or shut up?

She loved him with every ounce of her willing heart while trying to hide away in the unwilling sides. He had to mean as a frie-, "Not as a friend." he said unkowingly bursting her self conscious bubble.

Feeling her face burning brighter as she fought with herself internally she wished she could pull a Terr and just run away. _'Should I tell him?' _she thought helplessly some part of her wishing her spark of insanity would come back in that moment and she would hear her mother's hard wispy voice whispering around her. She had to tell him, this was her chance, all or nothing.

"No!" she blurted out sharply as if the very image of her and him was revolting.

_"And now your stuck with nothing..." _a dreary voice grumbled carelessly inside of her mind.

_"Nu-uh she still had us!" _another similar but noticeably more cherry voice chimed in.

Raven gritted her teeth as she realized she had let her guard down enough for her Emotions to be freely talking out in her mind and she could hear them. "All of _you _or what got me in this mess to begin with! I would rather be stuck with nothing than you all!" she hissed sourly as her eyes crossed to glare up at the jewel adorned in the middle of her forehead.

Beast Boy looked at Raven confused at the little show she had just put on. Her face burned hotter if that was possible. "I-I...?" she tabbed her temple then wrung her hands beginning to tremble with fear of yet another person she had completely cut off because of her actions.

She really did mess everything up.

Beast boy smiled.

_Smiled?_

"Just answer the question Rae-Rae." he pressured seriously, Beast Boy may have acted like an idiot and a jokester which was true but he wasn't completely clueless. He could see the discomfort through Raven's body movement, and in her eyes he refused to look away from until he received his answer he could see she was at war with her self.

Raven opened her mouth about to speak but closed it again when she looked up into Beast Boy's hardcore intimate gaze which was turning into a low level glare by now. She looked away quickly down to stare at her tight clenched fist that were tangled together by her grey slender fingers and still somehow shaking. A shrug brought her shoulders up and down and she looked back up into the green pool's she oh-so-loved.

_'Now or never.' _she reminded herself quickly and she had made up her mind on which one she would be choosing out of the short phrase that she never thought would hold so much over her life.

It was her time to make a decision and she had made up her mind...

"As a friend." she said bluntly, trying and succeeding to keep her voice level and unreadable. "That's what we've always been, just friends." Raven noted her tone as uninteresting as she could force it to be, but it contrasted against the small fake smile she was forcing to pull crookedly at the corner of her lips.

_'Never.' _she whispered forcefully hoping it would travel down the depths of her mind and echo out to her emotions.

Something in Beast Boy shifted suddenly. His emerald eyes darkened to a hazy forest green. He gritted his abnormally sharp teeth as he spoke, "Raven. I know you. Maybe not the way Robin or Cyborg do and _ definitely _not the way Starfire does I know _you. _Don't try this lying, oh-Raven-doesn't-feel-anything, bull crap. I know when your lying. Tell me the truth." he lectures and pleaded looking down on the smaller girl who looked away once again, past him out to the window that over looked the city.

Beast Boy felt the need to jerk her attention back on him but he knew if he lashed out so animalsticly he'd scare her away.

"I-I-" Beast Boy cut Raven off with his own words that sliced through her train of thought.

"I know what your going to say, 'I am telling you the truth, mutt breath'. But I don't know anymore...Please I need to know if what everyone is telling me is true." Beast boy took a step towards Raven who backed away in reaction.

"Us as friends and nothing more than that is the truth, _Beast Boy," _Raven emphasized his name to trifle the usage of one of her old nick names for him he had guessed she still liked to call him. "And whose everyone and what are they telling you?" Raven questioned remembering what Beast Boy had said.

At that question Beast Boy didn't hesitate to answer. "Everyone! Everyone is telling me about how we have a secret love! That if Terra finds out there's going to be a lot of drama and I'll have to pick who i love and I'll pick you. Or how we make such a cute 'opposite's attract' label couple. And how I love you. And you lobe me-though you don't wanna admit it. Heck, even the guys are saying it and they know I am dating Terra but they think it's a mistake. They _know _it's a mistake! Heck maybe they and everyone else is right!" he took a heavy breath since he hadn't stopped to breath since he had begun his rant. His eyes were filled with pity and desperation and Raven felt so horrible being the cause of those two emotions swimming in his green gems. "Raven," he sighed finally. "Prove them wrong, or prove them right; just be real with me." Beast boy said solemnly.

"I told you the truth." Raven whispered it seemed it was the only thing she could say at this point.

Beast boy lowered his head so that his green bangs hung in front of his face, smothering the bitter smirk and tear blurred eyes. "Typical Raven," he muttered grimly. "Never show any care for anyone or anything. Keep everything bottle up and hope no one sees when your lying about being a-okay. Just know this, Rae, I'm not blind, I see your hiding something and I see your lying your ass off right now. And I will get you to admit what it is your hiding."Beast boy raised his head and edged towards Raven until they were only inches apart, bodies almost flushed together. Raven leaned as far away as she could but her feet wouldn't move with the impulse to run. So she was stuck with Beast boy inches away from her face, his breath mixing with hers, his beautiful green eyes starring at her blue ones,and their bodies slightly touching.

_"Now! Do something, anything now!" _a bundle of her emotions screamed at her and before she could think about she closed her eyes and was about to let the impulse of her emotions take over.

But before she could follow through or realize what she was doing, Beats boy leaned back suddenly, his emerald orbs storming with so much emotion Raven was once again being attacked by the extreme of it all and walked-well, more like ran-out of the room. When the sliding doors had slid shut Raven stood in the same spot her face burning crimson still as she tried to reclaim control of herself without having to break down in tears. _'You had a chance and you blew it!'_ a voice yelled inside her, it wasn't one of her emotions, but the thing inside of her that most people called a conscious while she called it the annoying piece of her that informed her when she had let something slip by her when she knew it could have ended differently without even trying to change it.

But she ignored it without much more thought than a simple, _'I know.'_, in reply.

"Only around him would I blow it. Going from never to now at the drop of a dime...I have no control when it comes to him. And he was looking right through me again." Raven whispered falling to the floor her cloak shrouding around her body as she forced herself to keep her chin held high. "How can he such an idiot? Such a jokerster? Such a..._Beast Boy_. And still look right through _me?_ I thought I had everything covered, everything hid, but he can see right through me with out having to look that deep either. How? Why?"Raven asked to no one in particular while staring out the window of the main room seeing the silver shining moon that was now slowly beginning to descend towards the horizon midnight black of what was left of the night.

She seemed to be asking the moon why.

"You know why," came the same humble voice as before in her room. "He loves you." Raven sighed, blankly looking at the moon. She didn't know that, he loved Terra and there would never be a change for that. But if this was her mother she knew there was no point in arguing; the old phrase mother knows best would be used against any testimony she tried to hold to her "mom's" accusations.

So she went along with it not knowing what else to do but wanting to keep the chit-cat between the moon and her up as long as possible. "Why though? Why me, of all people? Hasn't he seen an heard the things I've done? I'm a monster...a _demon._"Raven told and asked the moon with tears biting chilling down her cheeks by the truth and confusion that she voiced aloud unlike her usual way of thinking and locking away.

The moon's glow grew brighter at the statement as if to brighten up the darkness that Raven saw in herself. "The worst in you is nothing more than another part of you. Another part he loves." the moon answered in that motherly voice you just couldn't find the words to argue with. Raven sighed again, "Why is he such a idiot, then to love me?" this time the voice did not respond and Raven took that as a sign, that her time was up and from here own out she was on own as always. "We just aren't meant to be." she whispered as her last words to the moon, to her mother, or whoever cared to listen anymore and with that Raven walked out and headed for her room the events of the early morning running through her mind as much as she tried to block out everything.

When she neared her room she stopped and waited blending in with the shadows, something planing her there and not willing to let her walk off. As the feeling of running and hiding came back to a full, emotion numbing force and she felt as if she could run away freely again he passed by. She felt the sadness and loss radiating off of him. He stopped at her door standing near it without looking at but feeling it there.

Raven pushed back instead of forward like she had only a second ago. Holding her breath, practically paralyzing herself from the inside and out she watched.

A growl forced it's way through gritted fangs and suddenly a balled up, knuckle tight fist was sent into her door. A piercing crack of bones with the gush of blood broke the silence Raven now wished had stayed. Harsh angry breaths were heaved in and out and it shook the whole of Beast Boy's form. Raven could feel the need to have a primal out break charge into her room and rip everything to shreds-tear the whole tower apart just to show he was serious and he was pissed. Somehow though he held back and simply glared up at the name plate that had Raven's named engraved into it, wistful adoration in those still emotionally wrecked deep jade pools.

"I don't care what you sat Raven, how well you hide it, or how much you deny it. Everyone...their right. I know it! We...We are right for each other and I'm not going to hide that any more. But you will, and I swear I'll get out admit it. I don't know why I love you, why I have to keep wanting you even though I have Terra, I just _don't _know. And I don't care but I'll get it out of you, I promise." After speaking his part Beast Boy recoiled his blood tainted glove away from the wall and walked away.

"No we aren't and you want get anything out of me." and with her part said Raven entered her room and starred at the moon as she sat on the floor at her window-wall. Her gaze was locked on the moon that was more or less gone from view and was now simply a glistening silver-white curved edge dipped into the Jump City waters and suffocated by a mix of bright morning colors.

But it was still the moon, it was still somewhat night, and there was still a chance she could get one more thing out of her Mother.

"Is it true? Are we right for each other?" she whispered not expecting an answer but still hoping and praying she would get one. But expectations out weighed prayers and wishes and Raven was given no answer.

Raven was officially alone stranded by herself with nothing else but her heart, soul, body, and mind all fighting a war she couldn't foresee a winner for.

* * *

_**Author's Notes**_

_So this was one of my very first stories, legit I think this was my first story ever on here. But I wasn't as experienced as I am now and since I'm a class A screw up when it comes to grammar it took a lot for people to understand and like and I am very surprised I didn't not get my tail flamed like a marshmallow during a camp fire back then. But I got a review for this a long time back this year or last year and I was like 'Huh, I guess I should touch it up since I think and hope I am a little bit better of an author nowadays.' so here it is the touch up of my very first story 'Right Thru Me'! And yes, I got the inspiration of off Nicki Minaj's song but I had no understanding ground when it came to songfic's so I didn't write it as one. But annnyway hope you all enjoyed it! Peace, Love, Good Timez! ^_~_


	2. 2: Uncovering the Memories

**Chapter Two**

_**Uncover the Memories**_

Beast boy awoke to the sound of his alarm going off in ringing echos of his all too empty room. He warily sat up on his top bunk, head spinning with the wrecked room. Through blurry vision he looked around the mass carnage that he had been cornered into. _'What happened last night?' _he thought in a practically drunkenly way inside of his dazed mind.

Sniffing once the smell of blood hit his nostrils full force. The aroma was cold, rusty, and notably his own.

Taking in another heavy breath he forced his brain to stop spinning with the confusion and his eyes to focus on the mess that was left of his room. It all seemed like a bad flash back into the past; back when his inner beast had been unknowingly taking tolls over him emotionally and physically. His room was a mess as usual but it was more than that.

The claw markings that stretched out over the walls and dug into random pieces of furniture that had more than likely gotten in his way of rampage, blood stains dotted the wall, floor, ceiling, and everything else that was littered destructively over his room...it looked like a crimson red hell had run through the trashed space he had called a "room".

"Dude...what did I do?" he asked himself aloud rubbing his head and blinking his eyes rapidly making sure what he was seeing was real and not a trick. Jumping down from his bed Beast boy walked over to the claw marks, his steps wary and unsure. Running his fingers over the length of one of the gashes he shuddered. This wasn't just being ticked off, this wasn't even anger.

This was rage.

Beast Boy jerked his hand away from his wall as a heavy hand pounded away on his door. He sighed heavily the smell of cool metal seeping through the metal door; Cyborg. Something in him didn't want his best friend in his room. To see this...out burst of fury scattered and damaging his room so openly...it made him insecure.

"Beast boy get up! We ain't got no time to be sleeping! Terra's missing!" Cyborg yelled through the steel doors. Nothing happened for a minute.

Cyborg's frenzied beating faded into the back ground. The scars on the wall melted away until all he saw was black, the smell of blood and tears drifted away until there was nothing. Everything just went away and he was stuck with knowing that the girl he loved had run away again...again.

Was his love not enough for her? Did he not do something right? Had he not held her close enough at night. When she smiled and told him she loved him...was it all a lie?

Beast Boy's senses seemed to dim in the reality of the future around him. His head swung in the darkness that he had seen that was slowly beginning to puff up with flashes of bursting lights of every color.

_"You get no second chances. Only to mend what seems broken." _a humbly fierce voice whispered around him in the blankness of dark nothingness.

And as Beast Boy let the words slip away from around him into the hole of black, he slipped away into the darkness too. Back to the night before...

_He and Terra had wanted to play another round of Monkey Brothers 6. One round turned into two, which soon became three and ended at ten with a horribly defeated Beast Boy and a triumphant Terra lingering around the main room. _

_"Dude! Not fair!" he had yelled throwing the remote control at the ground in his defeat pulling at his short green hair at the blinking screen that displayed his lose in vibrant colors. Terra jumped up off the couch bouncing around tauntingly, "Oh yeah! That's skill baby!" she exclaimed falling back on the couch smiling proudly at beating her boy friend. _

_Beast Boy looked at her in a mix of envy and embarrassment his green gems glimmering with defeat. Terra smiled sweetly as she batted her eyelids over her shimmering baby blue orbs, "Oh baby don't get emotional! Maybe one day you'll have my skill." Terra had said landing next to him and leaning her head on his shoulder._

_Beast boy's ears had laid_ _down in his defeat but with one last sigh he let it go; Terra had won the game and she was his girl friend...if it made her happy he wasn't going to sulk about it. Lightly pecking his check Terra had giddily bounced up off the couch and happy-danced her way to the kitchen. "Want something to drink?" she had asked curiously as she leaned half her body into the fridge. "Nah." he'd replied nonchalantly turning around on the couch and watching Terra, a dreamy smile forming on his lips as she goofily danced around going through the cabinets for no apparent reason. _

_Leaning up on her tip-toes to peek into a higher pantry Terra glanced at a few stacked rows of beautiful china that was darkly designed and boxes of...something."Hey," Terra's curious voice brought Beast Boy out of his meandering daydreams and back to reality. "What's this?" she asked turning around holding a small packet between two pinched fingers as if it contained some deadly plague. _

_But Beast Boy knew what was in the little folded paper container, and he knew who it belonged to just as well. _

_And something in him didn't want Terra touching what was _hers.

_"Aye! Don't touch that stuff!" he barked out harshly as he jumped over the couch and rushed up to Terra, roughly snatching the packet of tea away from her. "It's Rae-Rae's." Beast Boy murmured gently a defensive growl sneaking into his tone._

_The insecure and emotional blonde quirked an eyebrow instantly going into an attack."Rae-Rae, huh?" Terra spat questioningly putting her hands on her hip and tilting her head so her hair covered her right eye that was just burning with a fire kindled by insecurity, jealousy, and defensiveness._

_Beast boy could feel his green cheeks burning red with a blush in the moonlight and the glow of the TV. "Y-Yeah. It's her nickname. Whats wrong with it?" he said looking at Terra, twisting the packet around his fingers unsure to be nervous or go on the defensive. A small, irritated smirk pursed against Terra's lips as she spoke."Ooh nothing. She has several nicknames. And nothings wrong with any of them," _

_In his naïve way Beast Boy thought it was over and the beginning to Terra's snapping was the end. _

_How terribly wrong he had been..._

_"Other than the fact almost all of her nicknames were made __by _you._" Terra seethed bluntly through a hard frown. "And, me, your girl friend is just..._T._ The first letter of my first name." every word was spoken with the utmost hatred and spite. Usually Beast Boy would have tried to fight back with jokes and a few light hugs and kisses, but something once again was different in the way he was about to react. Something...primal._

_"You like her don't you?" Terra asked bitterly taking a step towards her blushing and uncomfortable boyfriend. Blushing because he knew the answer to her question but he couldn't answer it truthfully and uncomfortable because he was fighting off the urge to snap back at his girl friend just as hard as she was biting at him. "S-Sorry," he stuttered forcing himself to stop the other words burning on his tongue from slipping past his dry lips. "It's just h-her name is easier to make up nicknames for. Y-Y-You know Rae, Rae-Rae, Sunshine, Blue."Beast boy tried to remember all the nicknames Raven had been called throughout the years through the struggle of keeping his speech in check. Terra rolled her darkening sapphire gems. "She is anything _but_ sunshine." she scoffed heatedly as she snatched the tea bag from him and threw it back into the cabinet were she had found it. _

It had all went downhill from there...

_"Shut up! You don't know her! Unlike you, Raven, has had it tough since birth! And, yeah, maybe I _do_ like her! Maybe I _love_ her! You _wouldn't_ know!" the animalistic urge he had been fighting back to snap on Terra had broke loose and now he wasn't sure if he could tame himself once more...or if he wanted to. Terra backed away a bit her eyes quivering in their sockets as Beast Boy's figure seemed to widen and tremble over her suddenly. Terra knew of Beast Boy's inner beast...but she wasn't going to fear it._

_Glaring up, or what seemed to be like up, at the raging changeling she balled her fist tight by her sides and let the words roll like raging waves off of her tongue. "I _would too_ know! And _you_ don't know _my_ life! None of you do! You all don't know why I was running when ya'll found me, you'll never know why I traveled around the world...You just don't frigging know! They don't, you don't and she especially doesn't know!" Terra had took a threatening step towards Beast boy as she had yelled out her feelings. _

_A twisted smile perked on the sides of Beast Boy's lips, curling up to reveal his sharp teeth and one fang. Once again he seemed to raise himself over Terra and take up more of the little space between them...almost as if she was an intruding mice in the lion's den. "I know why. Hell everyone knows why. Because _nothing_ is ever good enough Terra! Because you seem to think everything is going to break. Everyone has it out for you so you run. You run because you can't accept change wether it be good or bad. And because of that little twisted fear of change, you won't allow people in. You won't tell your story..because your scared of a change that some will accept you for who you are and what you've done, because you think in the long run there's always going to be a down fall." Beast Boy's emerald eyes burned even hotter than Terra's with every furious emotion a beast or human could ever feel. _

_"But we know Raven's story. What she has done to protect us because of something she never wanted. Raven is scared of change too, Terra. If she had it her way we would have never known her, or her father, or helped her to change her fate and herself. But she did something you can't, she thrived for change. And she tried and hoped! Something you can't do! You can't do it! So that's why you hate Raven, isn't it? You know she's better, she can do something you can't. And it scares the hell out of you." Beast boy was shocked of his sudden under standing of the silent girl, Raven and also the understanding of Terra. For so long he had thought they were total opposites. But they weren't, not truly. They were more a like than anyone else but there was a difference. _

_One of them could face their fears._

CRACK!

_Beast Boy was snapped out of his thoughts by Terra smashing a delicate line of tea cups onto the hard floor. "I am so _sick_ of__ this_! I am so sick _of __you_! Of them!_ And _especially her_!" she screamed in a terribly hoarse and tear streaked voice. Beast Boy's anger boiling inside him raised to new levels, his voice bubbling with the frenzy of angry feelings, "Fine!." he roared feeling his whole body quivering with fury."I'm so fuckin' _tired _of you! All you've ever done is hurt me, lied to me, betrayed me...I don't know why I even wasted my time even _trying_to love someone as twisted as _you."

_With a second thought Beast Boy figured this could at least lead to a new branch of the argument, one that lead away from Raven. "And leave _her_ out of this!" he growled rather loudly and threateningly hoping to get it thought he thickness of Terra's ignorant mind._

_Terra leaned away from the enraged green young man her hair falling back into place and showing both her eyes once again, each one hazed with tears and a mix of emotions. Anger, hate, disgust, disbelief, hurt and a gleam of hope that he didn't want to uncover the meaning of anytime soon. Her trembling lips slowly twisted up into a crooked smirk her voice barely above a whisper and so low it took all of Beast Boy's enhanced hearing to catch onto the words. "This whole argument is about her. No one else but her." _

_Beast boy shook his head huffing out a sickly amused laugh as he whispered back to her his eyes staring into hers and for once seeing the twisted evil in them he hadn' seen since the day Terra had attacked the Titans under Slade's command. "No _T. T_his is aalll about you. Since you can't drink her tea or have several nickname like her you feel that you need to get what you want. Which is to be Raven, to be important and loved like she is. Well _T _you can't be Rae-Rae!" _

_Terra's sapphire jewels shrank into small raging beads of...defeat. What Beast Boy said was true. She had hoped this fight would be used in her advantage to show BEast Boy the truthfulness of Raven's being an crusht he feelings she knew he had for her dark girl. But it wasn't working out like she planned. Beast Boy wasn't denying it, he wasn't hiding the truth in Raven or in Terra's cases. And every word he screamed, whispered or roared was the cold hard truth. _

_A change._

_And it was scaring her away. Still though she would not allow him to have the last word in this, she would leave him and his little team. But not without her opinion being the last to be said in this relationship shattering fight. "Of course you would defend the demon! You don't get it do you? She hates you. She hates everyone. She's a emo, emotionless,_ freak___. _Think about it for a second. She does not_love you, _I do_." Terra said her voice sharp with the sting of a possible truth but silky and cunning with the love she did hold for BEast Boy over riding the hope she was crushing every other aspect of the fight before only leaving this for him to think about. But he had given no response...he couldn't think of one and nothing burned to be yelled off the tip of his tongue. He just let it go... _

_Terra stared at him for a brief second wondering if she had gotten through to him or if he had simply just shut down. His eyes flashed up from their place glued to the floor that suddenly seemed so interesting in the darkness of the twilight. He wasn't that beast anymore, but he wasn't Beast Boy...and he wasn't going to answer. A shrill scream broke through the silence of Terra's answer of where she was in the fight, "I'm done!" she turned on her heel and stormed off for the doors. Something in Beast Boy that did tell him he was losing the girl he was in love with and he moved after her for a few good, misleading steps. But then he stopped thinking about the words she had spoken about the girl he did truly love. He watched motionless as the double doors slid open and Terra began whispering once to someone, but this time her voice was mixed with hurt, realization, and pained truth that she didn't want to admit or have to think of ever admitting. But she did. Then, just as she cut her whispering off, her head slightly swiveling around to glance back at Beast Boy who simply glared at her on instinct, ran away._

_And in the wake of her disappearance there stood a worried and hurt-_

"Raven..."

Beast Boy whispered the name as it all came back to him and once again he was standing in the middle of he disastrous room, staring blankly at a clawed up and bloody wall, with the now rougher beatings of Cyborg's heavy hand pounding against his door he had yet to answer.

He tried to remember what he had done after seeing Raven in the doorway. He'd talked to her, that was for sure he wouldn't just leave her there in that vulnerable way possibly knowing she was the cause of a fight such as the one he had battled out with Terra. But what had he said to her? What had she said to him? Was it all about the fight? Had she overheard it all? There was the undoubtably truth that she had, at least a small part she had at the most.

Why had she been up anyway? Nightmares possibly.

He squeezed his eyes shut trying to go back to last night, up to where he had seen Raven standing there her face confused and perplexed with hurt and something he could place but wasn't sure if he was right about. He saw her face reddening as she stared up at him, barely remembering that expression from when he had asked her if she liked him. He knew she had lied he could see in it her eyes. The way she hesitated and thought of what to say. The way she stared at him looking for an answer. He remembered the anger boiling in him at her lies.

He looked at the blood staining his glove, a horrible thought crossing his mind. Had he hit her for lying to him when he knew what the truth was behind her words and forced expressions. No, he would have remembered something like that for sure. You don't forget hurting the girl your madly but unwillingly in love with.

Punching the wall in frustration at his loss of memory Beast Boy let a low maddened growl pass through gritted fangs. "B.B ya alright man?" Cyborg called worriedly and a little annoyed. Beast boy had forgotten his friend waiting for him, letting his knocking sink into the background against his thoughts and force of trying to re-fresh his memory. "Yeah, dude, just...gotta find another glove." he said as half an excuse as he walked to his wooden drawer that was tossed over on it's side up against his closest silently picking his brain for any drop of enlightenment of last night that he could.

"What? Man get your tail out here before I go in there and get your little green butt." Cyborg had said in a somehow pissed voice that held a hint of playfulness in it. "Dude, just give me a minute." Beast boy responded stubbornly. "_Dude," _Cyborg taunted hotly "A minute to search for something in your room is like searching for a needle in a very,very big and messy hay stack." Cyborg said as he pressed in a code into his arm too impatient to wait for Beast Boy anymore. Stepping into his friend room Cyborg took it in with shock. He knew Beast Boy wasn't the cleanest person in the world but...

"Dude!" Beast boy exclaimed at his privacy ruining friend. "Make that a very,very big, messy and nasty haystack." Cyborg mumbled "Now come on." he said grabbing Beast boy by the wrist and into the hall, down the hall and at the doors of the main room. There Cyborg let go of Beast boy's wrist. "Dude that hurt." the changeling complained. "Yeah well this is going to hurt a lot worse." Cyborg said walking through the open doors and Beast boy followed.

Raven sat at the table in the main room looking down into her lap at her hands that she nervously twisted and bended trying to stop the thoughts of what could be going on that was so important, and praying it had nothing to do with Terra. Robin was leaning against the counter looking at a slip of paper in his hands, eyebrows tightly knitted together and his eyes probably going back and forth along the paper behind his mask.

"That's the thrid time he's read it." Cyborg informed in a worried whisper. "Is it from her...?" he asked a slight drop in voice as he remembered Cyborg yelling Terra was missing just before he blacked out. Everyone turned to look at him, all of their eyes holding sympathy but he only looked at Raven. Her eyes looked him over and then that old frown that was a mask came over her. "A note. It's addressed to the two of you." Robin answered looking between him and Raven. Beast boy didn't feel like asking why he was reading the letter if it was addressed to him and Raven. Beast boy, just because he was the leader didn't mean he had to go snooping through ever body's stuff. But he wasn't going to get into it with the boy wonder and simply plucked the paper away from Robin and turned to Raven who was once again staring blankly at her hands. "Rae, it's for you too." he said hs voice soft and gentle as he approached her. Slowly he slid his way into the table booth with her holding out th leader between the both of them Blue and green orbs roamed over the cursive letter,

_Dear Raven and Beast boy,_

_I hope you two find true love since me and Beast boy weren't meant to. Beast boy I'm sorry for making our last few moments tense and angry._

_Please forgive me for that. And Raven I'm sorry for coming between you and Beast boy. So for separating you to for so long I've decided to leave_

_so that you will both have a chance to be together. Besides I don't want to feel the pain of watching you two fall in love but I do hope you find it. Good luck!_

_Your Friend,_

_T_

It took Raven only a minute to read Terra's swirled hand writing while it took Beast boy a bit longer not only to unscramble her writing with what he thought would match not words but also to let it all sink in.

Beast boy stood giving the letter back to Robin, wasn't like he hadn't read it all ready. Raven stormed out of the room, head lowered and brushing by Cyborg without a word to anyone. Beast boy stared after her as the sliding doors closed and he wondered if that was the image he had been left with last night too.

"Whats is wrong with our dear friend Raven?" Starfire asked her hands clasped together as she slid off the bench across from where Raven and Beast Boy had been sitting and stood staring examining her friends faces as best as she coul to uncover the human feelings displayed on them. "I don't know but I'm going to find out." Beast boy said rushing out of the room to find the girl he had defended and stood up for only a night ago and had lost his girl friend over. And who was now somewhere in the tower dealing with her emotions by herself which would never ever be a good thing under any circumstances and especially not these. "I don't know what her problem is but I'm going to find out. Everything."

When that voice that sounded so much like Raven had spoke to him, just before flashing back to last night, he thought he was going to be mending his and Terra's relationship yet again. Now he was mending a relationship he didn't even know was broken.

**_Author's Notes_**

_One more chapter to go sweeties! Hope you like dit, writing this at 1 in the morning, really tired from school shopping but hope you enjoy it! Peace, Love, & Godo tImezx! ^_~_


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